Sunday, March 3, 2013
Even Doctors show an awkward level of sympathy.
Way back in September, I posted about the difficult decision it was to make our dream of being parents of 4 beautiful children not come true, and being okay with the choice of being parents to 3 beautiful ones instead.
As more time has passed by, I will watch certain shows, see parents with little wee babies - and of course, like any other woman regardless of age; that moment of being a, "new mother" slowly creeps back into my frontal lobe of thinking.. but just as quickly, it melts away.
I had one of these moments last month. We went out on a date with friends of ours, and after dinner we went to see a movie, an action packed movie! Then out of no where, you think someone has died, but in reality she had her baby and that would explain the blood on the floor. They show about 1 minute of a scene with the husband, the new mother, and the newborn all wrapped into a warm embrace with each other - my heart sank. Immediately, I was taken back to when we had our beautiful newborns, and trust me, there is no replacing that feeling, but as quick as that, "missing feeling" came on, the relieved for the age I have came on just as fast.
When I made my first appointment to speak to my OBGYN about having my tubes tied, the Doctor was very reluctant. Usually this procedure is done on a woman who is above the age of 30 (minimum) is done having children, or has had complications - usually, there has to be a REALLY good reason. When she asked me, "THE" question as of why I would want this done (at the time being 27) I had to be upfront and totally honest, no matter how insensitive it may have sounded when the words left my mouth.
As soon as I said, " I am a mom of 3 children, and I am done. Out of my 3 children, I have 2 with a diagnoses of Autism. They require a lot of time and extra work, and even if we were to have another child without a special need, I don't feel like I have the ability to throw another child in the mix to our crazy life. My daughter deals with it enough, and I need to make a conscious effort to make sure I take her out 1:1, as much as I can. It wouldn't be fair to my kids, or my husband and I. I also get pregnant just giving Ryan a high five in the hallway, we need something permanent".
The look on the Doctor's face was sympathy, and that is not what I was striving for, but sometimes, that is the only way people know how to respond - so that's okay. She stopped offering suggestions for 5 year birth controls and pills that work and booked me asap, I was going to be 27 and have my tubes tied.
Sometime looking back, it was a hard choice, I even went through my own level of depression for a little bit - knowing I was done, like I blogged before, when it felt like it wasn't our choice, but had to be done for my other children. Now I honestly have to say, almost 5 months after - it was the best choice for us. Even though I get, and will always get that feeling of being a new mother again, it fades quickly, and having some beautiful niece's and nephews for sure fills that void :)