Monday, July 16, 2012
My 3rd Letter.
Well, what kind of mother would I be to write a letter to Owen and Maddie, and not my little monster Benjamin? Not a very far one, that obviously shows favouritism.. haha. I am hoping when I write these letters, that one day they will see them. They will know and appreciate my words and love, my constant support, and my pride that I take everyday in being chosen to be their mother. I hope when my children are old enough to understand these letters, that they all can take at least one thing away from it, cherish it and know that even when they were so tiny, that they taught me actually how to be the best person and mother that I could be, and I could not be more grateful.
I am watching you right now, you are blabbering some sort of nonsense, but to you, you know exactly what you are saying and can not understand for the life of you how I, your mother, out of all people can not understand a word of it. You look at me, pointing in our kitchen to my sign above the table that reads, "Bon Appetite" giggling when you point at it and say, "see see" and I respond with, "Yes Ben, I see".. funniest thing to you, its quite funny to me as well, as I can see the pride in your eyes that you can communicate and I know what you are saying. You walk out the back door with your sister, as she is singing some sort of song to you, saying you are being bad for some reason, but you don't care. You go about your business and laugh at her regardless, because even at such a young age you show love better than some adults that I know.
You are the happy medium of a child, that was so wanted and needed into our family. You are learning so quickly, as just as your older brother, you have Autism, and we are only in the beginning stages of what you will learn, how you will learn - and I am so eager to see you grow. Will you be like your brother? Will you be different, which could be good or bad I guess... but you are also your own person, and just like Owen- You are challenged daily, with communication, social interactions, transitions, different appointments and therapies.. but you take it in stride and work so hard, something I totally admire.
You and I have a special bond, you are my shadow. You follow me everywhere, you always pick me over your father, I feel like you feel at your most comfortable and safest with me, and that is a feeling I treasure. I watch you watching TV, being outside - you are constantly learning. You take it all in, more than any other child your age I see, because yes, even though I know you have ASD I still compare you to other children, and my love - you are on a different level than most children your age and I can't help but wonder where this level of intellect will take you. I see so much of your brother and sister in you, and it reminds me how lucky and blessed daddy and I are to have all 3 of you, so similar yet so different.
You make me eager. Eager to grow, you make me want to never ever miss anything in your life because I feel like if I blink, the moment will pass. I am eager to see you begin preschool and grow in a new environment, I am eager to see you advance in therapy, as already you have come so far. You make me so much more of a believer of you and your brother and people with Autism in general, that this really is not the end, it is the beginning to a whole new beautiful colourful world, you guys are in control. You are a 2 and a half year old boy, and you teach me so much about tolerance, acceptance, patience, understanding. Going through all the appointments and therapies with you, thank goodness is easier then with your brother - we are prepared and daily you have the ability to amaze me in a way that I could only dream about.
I love you. I love your personality. I love your dedication. I love the future for you, and I love that I am able to type that with no hesitation. You inspire me.