Tuesday, March 27, 2012
and he reminded me this is still our reality.
I don't write about it much because it hasn't happened much.. It is hard for me to even think about, because we all see how far Owen has come in such a shirt period of time.. which all in all, keeps us optimistic, hopeful, have faith, keeps us all motivated and determined to work for this little man who is moving mountains in his own amazing way.. but I need to remember, he is going to have, "off" days, he is not going to respond well to everything life has to throw his way, and he reminded me of that fact this evening.
Birthday parties - my kids have a really creepy obsession, Maddie is not able to handle the excitement of all that birthday parties bring, so I told her tonight an hour before the party of their cousin, that we were going - and believe me, and hour of non-stop questioning and reassurance that we are ACTUALLY going to a birthday party was enough - man shes cute. For my Owen, its the cake.. the singing Happy Birthday in unison, the blowing of the candles.. everything.. everything so much and it was packed with loved ones, I could not get to him in time to stop him from blowing out his cousins candles (cue in embarrassing moment).
I was nervous going for a few reasons in regards to Owen -
- people he doesn't know.
- crowded.. with people he doesn't know
- Ryan had rugby, was I going to have help for the just in case? (we did!)
- how was he going to be occupied? was the tv available?
- I am NOT bringing in the iPad
These were my tops - and was this going to be alright?
We arrived, and the kids were really excited to go! I was too, I have not seen this side of the family in a while, and it was awesome to see everyone again! Our cousins home was packed with loved ones to celebrate her birthday, lots of food, decorations, everything, my kids were on a high! As I watched Owen in the midst of all the people, he did surprisingly well, he walked around, tried to play with the kids, he didn't hang off of me once. This was going so well for him, for about a half and hr - then it began.
I am not sure what triggered it, he wasn't able to verbal communicate it as well, so we had to guess. Was it the girls fort he wasn't allowed in because he wasn't a girl and he doesn't get it? lol. Was it the dog barking? and he was pointing to his little tummy, but I didn't see anything. Then we tracked it, as soon as the dog would bark, Owen would find someone to climb up on, Aunts and Uncles, anyone. He began to scream uncontrollably when he was put to the ground again, and would beg to be picked up.. I took him outside for a breather, and he screamed not wanting to go back to the house.
Then it hit me - the dog may have jumped up at him. Its weird, because Owen LOVES dogs, but only the ones (like ours) that are old and just lay there, not a threat. Younger dogs that are active, scare him - and this was what it was. Our birthday party visit was unfortunately cut short for Owen, as he asked me over and over, "car, byeeeee". He came in, as I asked him to say goodbye to everyone there, which he did because he knows we will leave, and we did.
His meltdown this evening, the crying, screaming, clawing my arms, and the shaking is something I forgot was there. We don't see it very often, we are very fortunate right now with him, but when he is crying their is usually a reason. I look at the positives, we got to attend a busy birthday party and he did well, his social activity is increasing, he is doing better in unfamiliar crowds - and when things don't go exactly as planned, we adjust and we make things, "our normal".. and that's okay for us..
we remove ourselves, give big hugs, walk in the fresh air and take a deep breath...
and that's ok.