Sunday, February 5, 2012
I am learning its okay to be angry.
It's not fair. We are starting back at square one, all I do is research and talk - talk and research and I am angry. I am angry I have 2 boys that will have to struggle their entire lives, what we can take for granted, like being in a crowded airport.. its not fair.
I am sick of hearing, " you are only given what you can handle", "don't worry, everything will be fine", and "at least your child isn't dying". K, I get that.. I get all of it, but I am allowed to be heartbroken and angry, and not having to answer to anyone.
I am angry our lives are turning upside down, Im mad that I am watching my little boy have behaviours he can't stop, and I am friggin angry that I have to side by and watch it happen because I can't stop it - the most we can do is either ship our asses to Alberta or pay for private therapy because of our horrible waitlists in Ontario.
Why do these families like ours, have multiples in their families? How can they not say it is genetic? Owen and Ben's only common birth story, is we lived in Niagara while I was pregnant, I ate the same, they were born the same - what can it be? and why is there not more help for families like ours?
I know what we have to do, we don't know how we are going to do it yet, but we will. We are lucky to have support, and at least this time, our family and friends understand what Ben and us are up against, there is no shying away from this - but I am still allowed to mourn, to be angry, and to embrace pity days - because yes, I am upset, I am scared and I am angry.