Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Travelling down the same road once again...
I have waited quite a while to blog about this new found situation in our lives as of late.. but now that I am dealing with it much better than a week ago, I feel like I am able to share a bit of our new adventure.
I am sure most of you can relate with me when you read this blog, and if you are a parent to a child with Autism, and you have another child who is younger. You are probably like me, you find yourself being so paranoid, watching, testing, judging.. you don't want to waste your time acting like this - but it is almost as if you can't help it. It's hard to just sit there and play the waiting game, hoping your child is going to develop as a typical child would - I mean, who would want to be shit on twice with Autism? not me.
I have posted about Ben in the past, trying to explain my struggles with the waiting game, seeing his development play out, and of course, being so paranoid. Ben is now 13 months old, and 2 weeks ago, we had his 12 month needles and development screening with our family Dr in Thorold. He gave Ben the needles, talked about certain red flags I was seeing in Ben, and ones I was not seeing..and then we completed the developmental screen for a child his age.
I explained to my Dr, after completing the screen, that its hard because I know as far as development, Ben is behind. Its hard for me to sit there with a smile on my face with my friends, even strangers, and see their children surpass mine - if you have never been in that situation, you are lucky...its horrible.
I wanted to make sure that I was not being a, "paranoid" mom, and asked the Dr to tell me if I was, or if I had legitimate concerns... and I was right, we both had concerns for Ben.. more so because his older brother is Autistic. All I could think of and cry about on the way home, we are travelling down this road again, and I don't know if I can handle it.
I have spent most of these past couple weeks crying, venting, working out, and getting angry - because even though it has not been confirmed, my biggest fear is in the midst of my mind..and I am not alone in thinking it. People closest to us, don't know what to say..and I wouldn't know what to say to parents in our position..its frustrating and so devastating...regardless of what this is.
In Warrior mom fashion, even though I find this time I am very emotional even still, I have started the process of getting Ben Early Intervention. He has been accepted into the Brock University Research program with Dr. Becky Ward, we will be meeting once a week for 3 months, and they will help give us tools to draw Ben out of where he is right now. We will be working on Eye Contact, Responding to his name, and Imitation. Red flags believe me, but we are optimistic.
Ben is also going to see Owens diagnosing Doctor, Dr. Donkor next week, and I have already talked to Owens other Developmental Dr, Dr. Snyder..so she is ready, if this is what we are experiencing again.
I am writing this to all of you, so you know where we are..as parents, where I am as a mother, and where our children are as of right now. I would be lying to say that things are not hard right now, they are. I start back at my job tomorrow, where I work with many of our clients who suffer from Autism..everything is just bad timing.
We as a family, have a lot coming up in our lives in the following weeks, and will be stressful, and it wont be easy..we know. Ryan is being amazing, and being so optimistic, I am not there yet.. but I will be.
I will keep all of you updated, and again, thank you all for continuing to be one step behind us on this journey. Keep us, and especially Ben, in your thoughts.