Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Discovering my self worth too...
I seem to forget who is on this journey with us, and maybe how it is effecting their lives, and of course, how this is changing Owen. Owen in the past month, has been an amazing child, showing me how much he can talk, ask for things on his own, he is communicating like he never has before.. I feel that he is back kicking Autism's ass, and we are once again, going through a great part of this journey with him.
It is hard to think, only in 1 short month, a year ago Owen was diagnosed, and our lives changed forever. As Owen began this journey within, many people in our lives did as well, and of course, this would include Ryan and myself. I can not speak for my other half, and if I did it would have to be something super macho and inconsiderate, and not, "gay" .. so I won't even try. What I can say from myself and what I see has changed in my hubby's life, is truly amazing.
Ryan was FULL of low self esteem that he will never admit too, he was over weight, miserable, and not the Ryan I met 5 years ago. I can say from what I observe now, Owen has made him a different kind of dad. They have always been so close, and have a relationship that I truly love to watch, but in the last year he has taken the role to a whole new level, that I doubt a lot of fathers would take on. He takes Owen everywhere, never worried, ready to advocate if needed, and is Owens number 1 teacher. Ryan has built up his level of confidence in himself, not only by loosing weight (63lbs to date! ) but also, showed everyone that he is Owens biggest support, and it is something I truly admire in my husband.
I also can speak for myself, and say that this year has turned me into the mother that I have always wanted to be, but never knew I had it in there. Owen has shown me what is like to live for your children everyday, to fight tooth and nail for equality, and to watch him grow as a flower.. so small, so fragile and delicate, and with love, nurturing and time, he is growing into the little man I always knew was stuck inside. He has given me the strength to also help me have the determination to be healthy and strong so I am around for him and my 2 other little beauties, for a long time, and drop 55lbs and turn my life around.
In discovering my inner strength as a mother with 3 children, and driving around everyday bringing Owen to therapy, preschool, the gym, and normal other errands, I felt lately like giving myself a little gift :)
I have hardly any clothes that fit, that aren't t-shirts and yoga pants for the gym, so after I put the kiddies down for a nap and left Ryan at home with them, I went out, ALONE!!! , and I purchased a new pair of jeans. I was trying on the bigger size, and the sales clerk says, they look a little big - I guess I am still not used to this whole new size thing .. lol. So, in shock, I bought the smaller size, the size 6.. and they fit like a glove, and I felt finally how I feel on the inside.
I put those bad boys on - and let me tell you, I rocked the shit out of those size 6 jeans.