Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Just when you think you really gave Autism's ass a kick - it kicks you back to reality.
So true. Like I always say, Owen is clearly showing Autism who's boss - and continues daily to kick its ass.. he inspires me that anything is possible, and even a 3 year old can change the world.
Then, you get days like yesterday. I will just say it - Yesterday sucked. I have been on such a personal high with all I have been accomplishing for myself, and sometimes seem to forget that Owen is still going to have down days, and he is still going to struggle. I guess I will compare our journey with Owen as a huge rollarcoaster - there is going to be highs, loops, so fast you can't blink or you'll miss it, and so slow you seem like its' never going to end.
It is so hard for me to realize that even though Owen is improving so much, and making incredible progress, he is still going to struggle, have bad days, and he is not going to deal with it like we deal with it. Say I want to yell at someone - Owen is just going to constantly scream and scream .... all day. I want to just shut my door and be alone - Owen is going to find whatever he can get his little hands on and throw it (but be a good little man and pick it up when I ask) When I get frustrated I am going to call my best friend and vent and vent till I'm blue in the face - Owen is going to grind his teeth like a champ.
This was yesterday. Ryan and I looked at each other several times last night, and kept saying we were just in amazement how really, "Autistic" he is...we have forgotten lately. He was just upset most of the day, brought back the eventful lining up anything he could find, freak out if nothing stayed in the place he thought it should, and flapped his hands like no bodies business.
As I told Owens head therapist about our worries and concerns this morning, I got the biggest hug from her as I stare at her teary eyed and dumbfounded - she said what I needed to hear, "for him, this is normal. He can't tell you how he feels, he is having a bad day,like we have bad days..its okay". Shes right. But, when I have bad days and am so beyond pissy - its my problem..when Owen does it, it affects me such a different way, and I am reminded of how Autism really is such a part of who he is. I picked him up from therapy today, feeling a little better that people understand my concerns, and he was fine, and ready to come home. I gave Owen his favourite chocolate chip cookie, buckled him in for the long ride home, and kissed his forehead, just to say, I love you.
As I drove home today, and could hear Maddie and Owen singing to the songs, I realized this is our life. Like any normal family, we are going to have our good days, our bad ones, and plenty of life changing ones. This was not the rollarcoaster ride we got in line for, but Ryan and I, we always follow through. :)
Here's to some better days ahead.