Sunday, September 12, 2010
Eyes like a hawk..
I am already testing my 6 month old. He has NO clue I do it..but I do. I worry myself almost every night going to sleep, wondering if the next morning will be the morning I have been dreading since finding out my oldest has Autism - Ben has Autism. As of right now, I truly believe Ben is fine. He makes perfect eye contact, smiles when he sees his momma or someone he knows, and laughs and laughs and laughs - he also is a victim of verbal diarrhea, he talks all the time.
I really don't mean to do it, but I do. I am not saying at all that it would be the worst possible thing ever, but I would honestly never wish this on a person or that persons parents or family. It is such a frustrating disorder, and Ben if he did have it, could be as great as Owen or 1000x worse - its scary. As well I don't even want to think about the expense it would cost our family, my poor husband. All of this therapy and programming x2? I am not even sure how we would make it happen..something that literally makes me sick sometimes in worry and concern. This little man in my life, only 6 months of age, has no idea...
I have heard of so many families with one child with Autism have multiples, and that scares me as well. It is so common, and so expensive for these families.. like okay, you get crapped on once..but really twice? I guess we will just have to play the waiting game and just pray and hope that Ben is neurologically alright... and yes, I will continue to give him my little tests until his third birthday is reached and I can finally relax.
Maybe I should just enjoy this precious time with my youngest and forget about all these Autism filled thoughts and worry? Its all in a concerned and loving way :)