I really try hard to be a positive person - but its hard. I try to see the light in the midst of all the dark when dealing with a child with Autism. I try not to focus on Owen's lining up of toys instead of using a race car in a big smash up derby..I try not to focus on the posters in my Doctors office saying at age 3 Owen should be up to 1000 words and using 2-3 in a sentence instead of Owen having 30 words that melt my heart when I hear them - I try and stay positive for my own sense of well-being, my husbands, our other children, our families and friends - and of course Owen. But its' hard.
When we began this journey, I had pretty close to no hope. I see what Autism can do to a person who enters into Adulthood, and its not pretty in a lot of cases. I walked into this as, "we are really going to spend x number of $ on therapy that he MIGHT not respond too.."..are you kidding me. But we did it.. and I think most of my Facebook status's and blogs are about Owen's continued progress.. and for this, I am thankful.
I used to try and blog everyday, but I am sure you can understand with our crazy lives, it just became impossible. So, even from a week ago's blog, Owen has progressed further, and I still sometimes just watch this child in amazement, and have to remember Ryan and I brought this child in this world.. this amazing little man who is defying odds. He is mine. Since my last blog, I believe I updated you on his vomit of the mouth - meaning he is talking and at least trying to learn new words daily.. it is almost if I don't know this child!! :)
Owen is now close to 30+ words, not limited to but including, "itsy bitsy spider, down, loud, quiet, light, milk, rolie polie, hi with a wave, and his new one - nie (for grannie) he is using all of them appropriately, still has the odd meltdown and is starting to hit - but I am pretty sure that behaviour is common for a 3 year old.. we are just keeping our eye on it.. as we do not want it to progress into something more. Owen also just graduated from his stepping stones program at NPCC in St. Catharines, it was amazing. We just made some great friends from there, and so did Owen. We were able to have his evaluation the workers would fill out every time we were there, and the progress Owen made in just 10 short weeks, we were advised to get him into a preschool this coming September! To be honest, Ryan and I were not even going to travel down that road, for Owen's sake.. I think sometimes, we are the only ones that can handle him and it is so difficult for me to put his well-being into someone elses hands. But I have to admit, hearing that he did so well in this type of setting, made the choice much easier, and now tomorrow we will be touring a potential preschool here in the falls! They also are equipped with a resource teacher that has training in dealing with special needs, so this might be a good fit for Owen.
I also finally got to have a normal adult conversation last night on the phone with my friend Victoria, it feels like it has been so long, and it was such a nice phone call. Lately I have to admit, I have been feeling a little irritated with certain situations I have no control over... it is kind of funny my stress has zero to do with being a mom of 3 under 3, one being Autistic or my marriage - who would have thought..lol. As I was venting to my friend, she told me exactly what I needed to hear last night.. and I woke up this morning feeling like a better person.. and ready to take the day on. She said to me, " Van, I am sorry but you are Supermom. You have 3 kids under 3, one with Autism who you take to therapy 4 times a week, and also have him in other programming. You take time for yourself and go to the gym everyday with the other 2 kids, you have your kids well fed, well dressed... and no offence, for the most part Ryan is gone to work, so you in a sense are a single mom doing all of this. Van, you are doing the impossible and I have no idea how you do it."
Now, I don't want to be self fish, but this is why I keep friends like Victoria, Jen, Dani, Megan/Claire, Val, and you all reading this, I keep you all in my life because you know me.. you know what I need to hear.. you love me and I love you back. It was the nicest compliment I have heard in a long time, and I do not look at myself like a, "Supermom"..I just look at myself as a mom who was given some challenges.. and I make it my mission to give my complete self to my children to make them better people.. and in turn, I am a better person because of them.