How can I describe being a mom of 3 ... hmmm.. hectic, crazy, busy, diaper changes, feedings, arguing..also loving, hugs and kisses, cuddles.. perfection. Now, how do I describe being a mom to 1 Autistic child, 1 non-autistic child (I really do not want to use the word, "normal"...so not cool to Owen..he rocks!), and 1 infant that, for me, falls somewhere right into the middle of all my worry and concern..because we are not sure if he is or is not.. for Ben..time will tell.
Being a mom of all these different styles of child, is very tiring...mentally. I always have to keep in mind Owen learns so differently from Maddie, and vice versa. They really do help me out in our day to day life, Maddie just follows Owen around..copying what he does, where he goes.. so cute..and honestly, gives me sometime to cuddle Ben or to do the 300 jobs that need to get done being a full-time mom, staying at home. I actually just heard on the radio this morning, that a website posts every year near Mother's Day how much a stay at home mom should be paid for the job they do....not a lie, this year they said, $118,000.00 a year!!! Between being the caregiver/teacher, chef, van driver, secratary, dentist, Doctor, psychiatrist, janitor...etc... I have to say, I loved it..lol.
So, as I have written before, we suspected Owen suffered from Autism quite a while ago, when he was around 15 months of age, but put it on the back burner and chalked it up as he is a boy.. blah blah.. boy do I regret that choice. Anyway, I remember we cut his vaccinations, so when he was a little older he got them, so he did not get his 18 month vaccines at the correct time. We did however go over milestones that he should have reached, and it broke my heart discussing this with our Doctor, as he did not make 90% of them. He had the phyical milestones reached, not so much the others.
As you all are aware, I have a bright, dramatic, funny, beautiful little girl who will be 18 months this month, Madelynn. 2 Days ago, I took her for her 18 month check up, needles and questions. I guess I thought this would be simple..in and out.. but it was so much more than that. It was extremely emotional for me.. of course, Maddie passed everything with flying colours.. it was just so bittersweet for me. I was so proud of my daughter, but at that moment, I mourned my son. There is such a difference between them, not saying Owen is not as smart as Maddie, because I think he SO is.. just in a different way.. a way that this test didn't show. This also gets me paranoid and anxious about Ben.. poor Ben.. I already feel so bad for him and he is just over 2 months old.. he has no idea what he is in for with me.. lol.
I catch myself already, looking for signs, making sure he is smiling and cooing..getting myself so worked up over this thing called, Autism.. that really has not been so bad on Owen's life.. so far. I just still would not wish this on anyone, it is a devistating diagnoses that has no cure...so far.
So, I guess I will end with this.. being a mom of 3 very different "stlye" of child, can have it's up days as well as it's downs..and it becomes so very much more apparent the differences when certain milestones have to be achieved.
and for me.. it's all so bittersweet.