I am sensitive. Not even just sensitive... extremely sensitive. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, find it difficult not to show how I am really feeling by what you are reading on my face.. and that is just me. Sometimes it can be a good thing, I am honest with how I feel.. and a lot of the time people don't know how to take it, as I can be brutally honest. Although, sometimes this whole, "showing my true feelings thing" can be a real pain in the ass.
Last night, Ryan and I actually got to go on a date, without children!! I honestly can not even remember the last time that happened?! 5-6 months ago?! So, we went to Ryan's cousins Fundrasier, as he suffers from Tourette Syndrome. It was so nice, we had a great dinner ( that did however give poor Ryan food poisoning) and we got to bid on prizes, and visit with family and friends.
As everyone was starting to get hungry, they wanted to do some short speeches before dinner. Ryan's Uncle was the MC, and called up Silvio to say a little something about his expereinces with this syndrome and etc. Well, by the end of thank-you's, he is begins to thank his parents. He thanked them for being there for him, and as parents they are the ones that go through everything with the child... and now starts Vanessa's water-works. My mind steers away from this cause, and my thoughts go right to Owen.. I was a sobbing mess. Then, Ryan's Uncle finishes up the speeches by just stating how important Fundrasiers are, how they bring awareness, and lastly, began to say what fundrasiers have been held at the hall - including the one coming up in September - I lost it. I felt so bad for Ryan's Uncle, as he is explaining about Owen's Autism Fundrasier, and what Autism is, they he is Ryan and Vanessa Coen's son.. I was honestly trying not to be loud as I ball my eyes out.
Different family members are looking over, and they start crying... it's just a big chain reaction. I just realized last night, how very hard it is for me still to talk about Owen and his Autism, its hard for me to hear about it...everything is still so raw and still such a touchy subject.. and I honestly thought I was getting better.. reaching that almost comfertable state of mind.. guess not. It is so easy for me to sit here on the couch with my kiddies all around me wanting to help type, because I am not talking about all these issues.. I am just writing about them.. so I don't actually have to say the words..just make them all fit in here to make sense to the reader. But isn't it interesting, that when I hear other people talk about him or myself having to talk about it, thats when it all hits again.. like it was the day we found out.
I have to end this blog like this I think.. pertaining to Owen..I would rather be a blobbery mess and be reminded constantly my love and emotion for this kid, then get myself to the point where I desenstize myself from everything that makes HIS story HIS. When you all hopefully come to his Fundrasier in September..FYI ... bring kleenex for me. :)