Autism is taking over my life.. it is what I think about constantly, its what I talk about all the time, and now, it is all I write about. This could be perceived as a bad thing, but for me, this is my outlet. I am an extravert, so I like to talk about issues in my life, I am very social, for me, this helps...Where Ryan is an intravert, and he keeps everything bottled inside.. and for him, this works.
I think I am lucky almost, I have concluded this was Autism quite sometime ago, so the thought was not new to me at all, I knew of the struggles to a degree, but I also knew of the triumphs that we were going to see Owen reach! Like I have written before, I did take my, "self-pity" day, I mourned Owen's life that I had all planned out for him, I mourned the life we were going to have, because yes, it still can get worse as he grows up (hopefully Early Intervention will make a HUGE difference), and I also mourned the life for his brother and sister, grandparents.. I guess everyone that didnt understand.
Now that we have officailly known about Owen having Autism, I see family and friends dealing with it in different ways, and its ways that works for them. Whether it be crying, talking, denial, or learning.. we are all dealing with it differently..
What I would recommened for friends or family that are a little closer to Owen than others, have a pity day.. take the time and really get it out.. believe me, it helps...get angry, be hurt, act emotional.. just release it. I continue to do this for myself, it usually comes after an appointment, or gearing up for one.. for me, I come here and share my thoughts with you, or if Ryan is on the computer, I go for a meaningless drive, I call family.. I do whatever I can to get it out of my system.. for myself, if I chose not to do this, it would bottle up and one day, I would have a breakdown.. and thats not fair to Owen.
I think yesterday for me was one of those days... meeting with that Doctor, calling Owen, severe... believe me, it will not get easier.. but then this comes to mind that puts me at ease instantly -
Would you want to spend time mourning the son you can never have..Or do you want to spend time with loving the son you have been given.. for us, there is no choice.