So, lately Ryan and I have been doing QUITE a lot of talking... this is probably the most we have talked and talked in our relstionship.. well, talking about something very important...and not just about the weather. We have had a lot of life changes happen in our 4 year relationship, moving 4 times in 4 years, having our 3 beautiful children, travelling, and getting married.
Our number 1 priority in our life together, as always been first and far most, our children. Ryan works his butt off at 2 jobs, taking Overtime whenever it is available, and I work 1 full time job, and have been on Maternity Leave for the past 3 years off and on... but still making a very good wage. We buy reliable transportation, and make sure our children never go with out.
It was not always like this, for the both of us, in our seperate lives and even when we first met, we were very much about enriching our own lives, and not much caring about its effects on others. Its amazing though, when someone or something enters your life, and its almost like magic how your priorities change, and you almost don't realize, or you do and embrace it.
We have been the type of people who embrace change in our lives, different jobs, different homes, and adding to our family. We both knew when Owen entered our life, he would require all of our attention, and need us as we need him unconditionally. I wanted my son to have a stable home life, to have what I didn't, both his mom and his dad, a house to grow up in, and be involved in everything to enrish his life even more so. Ryan and I are one of the few, that get pregnant early in a new relationship, we defy odds, and we get married, add more children to our family, and are in love and happy.
So, it would be easy to say for the last 3 years and 9 months, we knew our priorities, and it almost seemed easy to try and map out our lives and our childrens lives. Ryan worked the numbers, we had a plan for me to stay home after our 4th child, everything was set.. but as we have now come to learn, what you set and what really happens can be 2 completely different senerios.
Ryan has always wanted 4 children.. myself, I would be happy with 3..but I told him, I would give him 4.. I love our kiddies. Now, with Owen having Autism, and there is a 5% increase that Ben will have it as well, our 4th child dream is currently put on the back burner. We want to see how Owen is going to do with his IBI treatment, we want to make sure he is progressing and doing well, like deep down in my heart, I know he will. For Ben, it is not that I am nervous for him to be like Owen, to me, Owen is an amazing little man, and I would be blessed to have another child asloving and caring as he.. it's financial.
For a lot of you who do not know much about private IBI therapy, it is minimum $1000 a month.. but for us, we will pay whatever we need to.. to see Owen improve in his communication.. we are fortunate enough to be able to do this for our son, but imagine 2 boys!! lol... I can't.. and no, we make too much to be eligable for gov't assistance..brutal.
So yes, are we going to hold off on another baby in 7 months, yes... am I going to go back to Bethesda full time come next April, yes.. are we going to hold off on going to Vegas this September, yes.. and this is okay.
This is okay because Owen is worth everything in the entire world..he truly is.